Getting punched in the face each day

When I saw who was calling me, my stomach dropped.*

Last week felt like getting punched in the face each day. But somehow, instead of feeling bruised, I feel better after it.

🤜 I got laid off from my job (Plan A is no longer in effect, and it’s also the 3rd December in a row without a job)

🤜 My computer crashed, which was unfortunate timing not just because of losing my job but also:

🤜 When I went to recover from backups, I discovered the automated backups had stopped happening 2 months prior

🤜 One of my new websites went down (tougher to fix without my computer)

🤜 I discovered that the “easy” app that I was trying to code on the side might actually be impossible, so probably what I’d been spending time on was a waste

🤜 My grandma got hospitalized and almost died

🤜 Even more heavy stuff happened that I can’t share here

*You know that feeling when your boss and their boss call you for an unscheduled video chat, and you know that you’re about to get laid off? Ugh.

Until recently, I’d been publishing on LinkedIn every day. A good streak.

This week, though, I’ve been slower to publish.

(Part of me used the unfortunate events of this week as an excuse. I’ve been so busy getting punched in the face that I couldn’t possibly publish, right?)

But…

Would I have made time to publish if I’d been prouder of how my life was going?

(That’s the problem with social media.)

So…

Since what I most appreciate about others’ posts is their full transparency, I’m forcing myself to publish today.

A habit of regularly publishing precedes a habit of regularly publishing something useful for others. I’ll get there.

I have to start somewhere, even if it’s journal-style.

Why I don’t feel worse than I do:

I’m not 100% sure.

Probably a combination of:

🟢 I find fresh starts / new chapters interesting.

🟢 I know that we learn most from change.

🟢 The world is more in flux than before (and will only get more unpredictable from here).

🟢 I don’t tie much of my self-worth to others’ opinions. (Should I write a post about the pros and cons of being a loner?) 

🟢 I’m (still) trying to learn how to be less disturbable. When I FEEL completely overloaded, I note the illusion: as much as it seems like a situation is MAKING me feel a certain way, that’s never true. If I can notice this pattern enough, maybe I won’t be so disturbable anymore.

Sometimes life gently nudges you in a direction. 

Other times it will womp you so hard that you’re forced to pay attention, step back, breathe more, and reconsider your path altogether.

Womp. 🤜

Yes, clarity feels much better than confusion. 

Momentum feels better than a pause.

But sometimes people like me haven’t created a rhythm for ourselves where we have enough downtime—that indispensable “space between”.

It continues to amuse me how often computer problems are fixed by completely shutting down the system and trying again later.

Life can make you do that, too. 😉

Here’s to new starts with fresh energy.

Ryan

P.S. Whenever people ask me “Know any software engineers who are available for work?” I’m never able to think of any, because they’re always employed. So now is one of those rare moments where if someone asks YOU whether you know any top notch engineers who are available, let’s chat.