(4 min read)
Sex.
Hot showers.
Hot tubs.
Belly laughs.
Vegan ice cream.
The beach.
Walks with my partner.
Wood-burning fireplaces.
Friendly pickup basketball.
Engrossing conversation.
Am I writing the world's most boring dating profile?
No.
š” Side note! If you are trying to get attention from anyone for any reason, donāt say what everyone else could have said.
From my years as a dating coach when Katie and I owned Soulmate Strategy, I assure you that youāre better off making your uniqueness visible.
Merely revealing that you love ālaughingā and āto have a good timeā will get you ignored. š
Itās a paradox: when you take risks and allow yourself to be separate from the herd, it draws people inā¦
So what is my list about?
Recently I asked myself what I appreciate, and a longer list came to mindā¦Ā
Vague concepts like friendship, family, lifelong learning, etc.
But then I figured it might be helpful to get more specific.
What do I SAVOR?
What experiences guarantee that I smile and lose a sense of time and truly enjoy myself?
How can I have more of those moments?
Iām not talking about creating a life of hedonism without fulfillment and meaning.
But I AM talking about reversing the typical achievement-oriented delayed-gratification lifestyle that I see a lot of people unintentionally creating.
One that excuses overworking in the name of improving life āone dayā (e.g. in retirement).
Iāve gotten caught in that trap often.
In hyper-capitalist USA, especially in this era of pervasive social media and comparison, itās easy to get caught in routines that omit my favorite parts of life.
In order to NOT work so hard that I miss out on life, I need to be very intentional.
Katie and I love pointing out where there are no diminishing marginal returns.
Itās an important concept.
When can you add more of a thing to your life without worrying that youāll go numb to it?
āSooooo gooooddd!! Every fucking time!ā
When do you say that?
THATāS the kind of experience Iām on the hunt for.
Have you noticed that whenever someone says the words āI wantā, they almost always invisibly insert the idea of ā(but donāt yet have)ā?
Iāve been trying to notice that most of what I want I do have.
And most of what I have I want.
Katie and I like to say āWeāre just fine-tuning from here.ā
Itās a helpful reminder.
And it feels like a necessary antidote to all of the factors in our world that pressure us to want more.
Currently, sheās working as a supervising therapist, and what about my career?
We have savings, but those would vanish if we maintain our current expenses.
Everyone expects that Iād either say:
š¢ Iām interviewing (to continue my career as a software engineering manager)
š¢ Iām ātaking time offā
š¢ Iām trying to create something ambitious
Instead, weāve decided ānone of the aboveā.
I donāt view my current chapter as ātaking time off.ā
Letās flip it.
And Iāll explain.
But first, a helpful side story.
Like what you read? This post is public, so feel free to share it. š
š Do you want to get featured in a future issue? See details below.
I donāt like the word āmeditateā.
Iām not sure why.
For 30 minutes just now, I sat still, keeping my eyes closed, paying attention to sounds, physical sensations.
Noticing thoughts arise and letting them pass.
But what should I call that?
The verb āmeditateā sounds too active, too direct.
Sam Harris calls it āwaking upā instead.
Within that phrase is a hint, a reframe. Maybe that feels more fitting.
For me, the concept isnāt about repeating a mantra, or trying to allow genius to bubble up, or trying to feel physically, mentally, and emotionally relaxed.
Instead itās more about ābeingā without all of the typical ātryingā and rushing and achieving.
Itāsā¦ stepping outside the river of unconscious habits and routines and acknowledging broader perspective.
āMaybe the typical routines are all based in false premises!ā
āWhat is real?!ā
The illusions we live in are so compelling. And I guess we could say addicting.
It very often feels like we have free will. And that time moves forward (and only forward) at a constant, reliable rate.
And that a physical world even exists.
But if Iām honest with myself, Iām not aware of strong support for any of those claims.
Most of life is an illusion (and thatās even if we arenāt living in a simulation, which we almost certainly are).
So.
Our day-to-day is full of contradictions.
Full of us acting as if the universe behaves in ways that we donāt even believe it does.
We get stuck in patterns.
There is something appealing about meditation / waking up / getting in touch with our ālarger selfā or āhigher selfā.
Itās enthralling to get a glimpse of what truth is.
And funny that we donāt do it more.
We often go through life robotically and mindlessly.
š¢ On a micro scale: Scrolling, driving, eating, brushing our teeth without paying attention.
š¢ On a macro scale: Pursuing a career, attracting a partner, buying a home, having kids, etc etc.
Relentlessly.
Moving moving moving.
Pursuing.
Without reflecting.
Without questioning.
If I were to say Iām ātaking a breakā, that would be to define hustling as the default mode (and that of course Iāll resume it soon).
Shouldnāt I want to be mindful on both the micro and macro scale?
So, I have no income, and we have no plans to downsize.
And still no plan to resolve the tension between those facts.
Just a belief that we can figure out what matters.
In my current life, the only thing that even resembles a career is this fledgling newsletter called āWork Less, Profit Moreāā¦ which Iām starting to question the name of.
You can tell that Iām writing more for myself than for you, which is why Iām not feeling a hurry to get to the profit part.
Itās a bizarre paradox to expose my private ruminations as entertainment when theyāre more like a journaling, self-discovery exercise.
Especially since I want to remain detached from outcomes and immune to addictions of social media and validation.
But here we are, because at 40 years old Iāve still never found another way to adopt a journaling habit.
Even though I know journaling is super powerful and has been something Iāve known I āshouldā do.
If you stick around, you might be able to witness:
clearer thinking
feeling fulfilled
inspiration
pinching myself when money flows into our lives while we do whatās important to us (and donāt focus on the money)
As we told our dating clients, you need to hold your standards high.
Be specific about what you value and flexible about how it arrives.
Iāve wanted to learn how to be more patient and more committed to long-term behavior change.
This is it.
š What we learned in recent posts:
š¢ 7 days into my new life and I'm freaking out
š¢ How to gross $500k/yr as an amateur writer (or at least how to say Hi like one)
š¢ Exponential Growth From 0 š
š¢ The power of slow, power of long, and power of 3 little lines
š¢ [See all posts]
š Caught my eye this week:
I love Lex Fridman interviews, and this one with Jeff Bezos was amazing.
A part that especially resonated with me was Bezos saying:
āEfficiency and invention are sort of at odds. [...]
Incremental improvement is so important in every endeavor, in everything you do.
You have to work hard on also just making things a little bit better.
But I'm talking about real invention, real lateral thinking.
THAT requires wandering.
And you have to give yourself permission to wander.
I think a lot of people, they feel like wandering is inefficient. [...]
The reality is we may have to wander for a long time.ā
Bezos also discussed the power of writing:
Slide decks of bullet points enable sloppy thinking while written memos with full sentence structure require and transmit clear thinking.
He likes starting meetings with a silent 30-minute period where everyone reads a 6-page memo.
Then they discuss it and āseek truthā.
āYou don't know where you're going or how long it will take.ā
In other words, āCrisp document, messy meeting.ā
š¬ Question for you:
Who (not necessarily famous) does a great job of designing a life of fun and fulfillment without obsessing about earning?
What is unique and unconventional about their thinking?
Reply or leave a comment!
Iāll be so excited to write back to you.
And if you've got a moment, I'd love to hear what you thought of this email.
Send me a quick message ā I reply to every email ā¤ļø
Iām encouraging myself to remain detached from anyoneās response to the work Iām doing.
To do it for myself, regardless.
But at the same time, I appreciate you being here and rooting for me. š
And if youād like to recommend my work to others, surely it would help mellow my lizard brain and make this more sustainable!
If you have a Substack account, you can visit /publish/settings/recommendations and search for āRyan Walshā and recommend me.
Substack recommendations are powerful!
If I get subscribers from your recommendation, Iāll include a link to your publication in a future issue as a thank-you.
Thanks! š